I was on my way to work Sunday morning, and turned on the radio. I happened to come across a talk show, and listened for a bit until I got to work. I do not know whose talk show it was, but the host and his guest were discussing global warming. They were saying how the proponents of global warming would not even begin to debate those who opposed the idea of this theory. They mentioned a certain former Vice-President and former Presidential candidate and global warming fanatic, one Mr. Al Gore… becoming the invisible man when it comes down to debating global warming.
They also brought up the fact that 650 of the world's leading climatologists oppose the theory of global warming. They believe that the climate changes around the globe are more indicative of a coming ice age in the years ahead.
Then the talk show brought up the idea of some politicians and environmentalists wanting to tax farmers who raise cattle. It seems the theory is that a substantial amount of methane gas comes from flatulent cows, and is considered by them as a major factor in global warming. They want to make the farmers and ranchers pay $175.00 a head on cattle they own as a penalty for possessing cattle who will not take Bean-o.
OK, I made the Bean-o part up...but they are serious about a $175.00 fee (“fee” is a nice little word government uses when they don't want to say “tax”) per head on those who make a living raising cattle, and that means both beef and dairy cattle. Well, one does have to keep the windows rolled up, and turn the A/C off when driving through dairy farm country in the summer time, but, geez Louise. Isn't this thing starting to get just a tiny bit extreme?
What I want to know is, why stop with just the cattle? Let's include...oh, I don't know...how about politicians and their cronies who come up with these brainstorms? I mean let's face the facts here. Politicians make a whole lot more than you, me, and the average worker in this country. Therefore, it only stands to reason, that if they make more money than we do, they must be eating richer food than we do. Haven't we all heard about White House chefs in the past that specialized in French cuisine? Have you forgotten the story of a Presidential candidate's wife ordering lobster and Dom Perignon from room service after one of the Presidential debates? Do you really think senators or members of congress visit Wendy's or Denny's on their lunch breaks? Of course not! Hooters maybe, but the other places are just out of the question!
Now, you and I both know what happens when one tends to indulge in rich foods. At the risk of being indelicate, here...let's just say it...one gets gassy, of course. And just what type of gas is it? Well, it sure ain't propane, brother!
The problem is, with all their speeches, promises, conniptions, and rhetoric, the politicians gas is undoubtedly coming from both ends, and more likely than not, probably both ends at the same time. So, to help relieve the world of the dastardly consequences of politico bombastic verbosity and flatulence, here is what I think we should demand.
To solve this callous indifference to global health from politicos across the country, around the world, and up in your courthouse or city hall, we should require that they all be fitted for catalytic converters. For both ends. At the very least, there should be requirements for ventilation systems that remove these dangerously high levels of toxins, and then use a micro-filtering element to neutralize the offending vapors before they can escape into the environment.
Think I am kidding about the political gas...hot air...bull hockey or whatever you want to call it? The next time you are at a gathering where a politician is present and undoubtedly talking about what great strides he or she has made for you, your community, and your world, take a big whiff. Phew! That ain't Chanel No. 5 sister!
Just one more little note here. I find it somewhat amusing that the word flatulent is derived from the Latin word “flatus” meaning “blowing blast”. Very appropriate when it comes to politicians.
Copyright © 2009 Steve Smith. All Rights Reserved.